On the Homefront: Who’s in Charge?

Today, children of six seem to know all the questions and at sixteen they know all the answers. —Bob Phillips

Can parents experience joy and peace as they prepare their children for life? Or are all children destined to a life of rebellious misery as teens? In today’s permissive society, struggles for household sovereignty are not uncommon among parents and children. It is difficult to determine who is in charge in some families.

The solution to conflict between parents and their children lies in an understanding of one word: authority. Parents must understand their God-imposed boundaries and responsibilities. Children must respect their parents’ God-ordained position in the home.

What are the main responsibilities of a parent? Proverbs 22:6 states, “Train up a child in the way he should go and, when he is old, he will not depart from it.” The word, “train” is translated dedicate. This means “to renew, inaugurate, or initiate.”* It is both parents’ responsibility to initiate their child’s growth toward godliness.

God never ordains authority without establishing a system of checks and balances. A parent’s authority should be counterbalanced by their purpose in training: “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

Herein lie the grounds for conflict: though God has appointed parents to their position of leadership and authority in the home, the child’s sin nature naturally resists that authority. An infant may cry uncontrollably, a child may throw a tantrum, or a teen may sulk and pout. The stubborn will must be broken.

There are three steps parents must take to enforce their authority and resolve such conflict.
     1. Identify the problem—distinguish between the problem and the symptoms.
     2. Evaluate the problem—determine the significance of the problem and the means by which a solution can be achieved.
     3. Take necessary action—use the rod (Proverbs 13:24).**

All children are not destined to a life of misery as rebels. Parents, you really can live up to the Bible’s claim that “A wise son maketh a glad [parent]” (Proverbs 10:1). Though conflict is unavoidable in child training, the sooner you address it, the sooner your children will bring you joy and peace. Your authority is a gift from God. Use it right, and your children will honor Him.