A Father’s Take on Marriage

TV and the Internet have many good, bad and sometimes really bad ideas as to how to have a good marriage. Yet divorces continue to increase. Some think it is better to live together than to commit to marriage. Without a doubt, when you are with the right person, marriage is a wonderful blessing. But when you are with the wrong person, it can be a disaster! Parenting brings its own unique challenges to marriage. This month we want to introduce you to Ron, who provides us with key ingredients for fatherhood and building a healthy marriage with God’s help. Ron was married to his wife, Pat, for 43 years. After reciting his wedding vows, he faithfully practiced them until Pat died from cancer 18 months ago.

Bibleway Ministries (BWM): What lessons have you learned about developing a healthy marriage?

Ron Lucido (RL): When I was younger and I went to work, I realized, “Oh my gosh, I’ve got a wife now. This is something totally different. I used to work for myself, but now I’m working for my wife. I’ve got to get up and go to work, whether I like it or not.”

Marriage 101

This reminds me of a story of when we were young. Pat was brought up with the toilet paper sheet being over the top and in front of the roll. I was brought up where the toilet paper sheet was against the cabinet and behind the roll. And so we had an argument early on in our marriage – and when I say an argument, I’m talking about a discussion. She said, “No, I was brought up this way, and it’s better this way.” That was our first “discussion.” Then I realized that there are other ways to do things in life. After doing a little research, I realized what she was saying was right, because you could actually grab the paper better. That was the first time in our marriage that I said, “Hey you know what, that was a good idea and you were right.” From that point on, we adopted that way to do it.

Marriage 201: The Challenges Get Harder

There is one situation that came up when my oldest son turned about 17 or 18 years old, he started seriously misbehaving. We had two other children living at home at the time, who could have been negatively influenced by his actions. The situation was so bad I said to my wife, “I believe we should remove him from the house.” Pat said, “No, I don’t think we should do this.”

Eventually Pat agreed. Pat’s sister took him in, and eventually she was able to help my son and I restore our relationship. That was the time Pat and I had a discussion where we were head to head, and she gave in to me, being the head of the house. Years later, I saw she was also right in bringing our son back home. All three of our children are now serving in a local church, and encouraging their children to have a relationship with Jesus.

BWM: What is the foundation for a solid marriage?

RL: The first thing we wanted to do in our marriage was to find a church and see what the Bible had to say about marriage and raising a family.

BWM: How does that marriage survive when conflicts and health challenges sometimes overshadow the relationship?

RL: You know the old saying, “Don’t go to bed mad at each other”? We made it a rule in our house that we never were going to do that. We were going to stay up as long as it took to get our conflicts solved. We worked together as a team. Many people have said to us over the years, “Wow, what a team you guys are!” Working together helps any of those issues that do arise.

“In Sickness and in Health . . .”

When Pat became sick, we didn’t know what to do. We prayed, but we weren’t seeing God actually answering our prayers. Pat was concerned about her condition, but she also read the Bible more. Cancer brought her closer to God, knowing that He was there and He was always going to be there for us. On the other hand, I was thinking, “My whole life, God has always answered my prayers. But this time, He’s not. What is going on?” So I got mad at God. Now that the hardship is over, I can look back and see how God carried me through that horrible time.

BWM: On the subject of child raising, since you brought up the conflict with your kids and seeing your kids through their different stages of growing up, what would you say has been effective for you? What would you recommend to new couples as far as how to survive through those different child raising stages and through the conflicts that sometimes come with it?

RL: I feel the husband and wife have to be on the same page. The child can’t see that he can get away with things with one parent, but not the other. The husband and wife should talk between themselves to find out what they can do to make their child better, and then both follow up on it.

BWM: Ultimately family success is a husband and wife working and growing together. Through their teamwork and shared faith in Jesus, Ron and Pat were able to navigate conflict, raise children and build a marriage which lasted a lifetime.

Ron and Pat were Christians when they got married. We realize this is not always the case when couples marry; but there are fundamental truths that are relevant to every marriage. We hope that it will encourage couples to trust God during those moments when their marriages are challenged. If you do not have a relationship with Jesus or are married to an unsaved spouse, we encourage you to invite the Lord to be an active partner in your marriage.

Ron leaves us with 6 takeaways:

1. Marriage is a life changer. It causes us to shift our thinking from “me” to “we.”
   
   
2. From Ron’s toilet paper story, we can learn it takes humility to realize that sometimes our spouse may have a better idea.
   
   
3. The blessings of children come with the challenge of making tough decisions.
   
   
4. Mastery of conflict in marriage only takes place when we follow the basic rule, “Never go to bed angry at each other.”
   
   
5. Be on the same page in raising your children.
   
   
6. “For better or worse” sometimes involves sickness.