Recently I attended a fundraiser with my family. We sat at a table with another family and became acquainted over dinner. As we exchanged the usual questions about our church affiliations, it was no surprise to hear them say how pleased they were with the preaching and teaching in their ministry. However, they also shared feeling disconnected from their church family, who seemed unfriendly.
Like so many who attend our churches weekly, they were members of the church, surrounded by other believers, and yet they felt lonely. They had attended the church for a little more than a year, but somehow didn’t feel connected. Some have used this as just cause to move their membership from one church, only to find there were people in their new church just like the ones they left behind.
You may be familiar with the lyrics of the hymn, “This World Is Not My Home.” It goes like this:
This world is not my home, I’m just a-passing through
AP Carter, 1931
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue;
The angels beckon me from Heaven’s open door,
And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.
After our experiences of loneliness in the church, sometimes we feel like adding another stanza to the hymn:
“This church is not my home; I’m just a-passing through.
– A Disgruntled Church Member
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the pew;
Their voices say to me no one is friendly here,
And I don’t feel at home in this church, oh I fear.”
Maybe you’re saying yes, yes — that is how I feel! We all know that the focus of every Bible-teaching church is Christ. It is all about Him! Yet if He has not become the only Source of fulfillment in the hearts of the lonely, then no member in our congregations will be able to fill that hole.
Jesus talked about our relationship with Him when He said, “I am the vine, you are the branches, apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 14)
Don’t miss this: Branches are connected by the vine. We were never meant to be isolated. The writer of Hebrews encouraged believers not to neglect to meet together. Instead, they were to encourage one another. (Hebrews 10:25)
We know there is power in the preaching of the gospel. But there is also power in our fellowship.
Sometimes words of encouragement from other members in the Body keep us afloat. As a young adult I, along with two other young people, had fallen in the Valley of Discouragement because of a series of events at our church. We were determined to leave — until an old deacon had a talk with us. Through his heartfelt tears and words of kindness, he encouraged us to stay at the church.
Our Christian journey is not always easy. There are times when it is just plain hard. But we are on this journey together. Just like the Navy SEALS, we must care enough for one another that we determine to leave no one behind!
If you are feeling lonely in your church, here are three recommendations:
- Pray that the Lord will allow you to meet another family or friend who you can pray with and find as a source of encouragement. In fact, I challenge you not to wait until that person or family encourages you; you encourage them. Often in the process of encouraging someone else, we also are encouraged.
- Get involved if your church has an Adult Bible Class, care group, or community group that meets during the week.
- Get involved in volunteer activities! I wish it were true that church people were the friendliest people in the world. (Well, some are; but some are not!) When you involve yourself in church activities, God can use that as an opportunity to build lasting relationships.
The church is like a hospital which tends to broken hearts and spirits. At the same time, it is a filling station. It is a place where we can come together and gain spiritual food to provide us with energy for another week! Although in its best moments the church may not always shield us from loneliness or discouragement, take heart in knowing it is not our home. We’re just a-passing through. Our Savior has prepared a special home for us, where we will spend eternity with Him! (John 14:2)
Article by Dr. L.W. Edwards
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